It's Time For a Hillbilly Moment

I cannot get passed the vernacular of Toads. He just seems so uneducated so inadvertantly, I cannot take the writing seriously. Maybe this points to the fact that he should not be taken seriously or he is not taken seriously. On my third read I finally began dissecting this Toad. I believe that there's two toads. The first one is a sort of metaphor. this virtual toad is figuratively dropping solid waste material all over the speaker's life and on his neighbors'. The speaker feels a need to tell everyone to appreciate what they have (because they aren't that  unfortunate), but he knows this is a far fetched idea. This is where toad two enters. The fairytale toad that helps everyone live happily ever after. Atleast the speaker recognizes that toad two doesn't exist.